I should have known when he told me he had “done stuff with guys,” he may not have been the best candidate for my first kiss.
But in my drunken haze fueled by cheap liquor and rainbow jello shots, I didn’t care. Looking back, I could give some intellectual excuse for my poor choice in a make out partner: “I’m a feminist! Things like that don’t matter!” But let’s be real. I was an eager 17-year-old who was willing to do whatever to get that pesky first kiss out of the way.
Fast forward to two days ago. My roommate Adam–who happens to be the real life version of Brian Kinney–and I started reminiscing about that fateful night. We were both at a party held by the gay fraternity, or as we like to call it, the gay-not-gay party. It was only our second college party. My first kiss–who will go unnamed–was allegedly the only straight guy at the party. I set my eyes on him immediately. He was cute, but not intimidatingly good looking, smart, laid back and most importantly, single. What started as harmless flirting ended with not one but two make out sessions in the hallway. (I like to keep it classy.) In the middle of it all, he stopped to compliment my kissing, something straight guys never do. After the party ended, he drove me home and kissed me good night. I was drunk and it wasn’t just the alcohol. Finally! I had my first kiss. I didn’t feel like such a freak anymore. And best of all, kissing was amazing! Why had no one told me?
As I’m recounting this to Adam, I tell him about my kissing partner’s past with boys. I joke that knowing my luck, he’s probably out now. Even though He told me he’d kissed boys before, I honestly didn’t think much of it at the time. It seems so silly to let it bother you, especially today. When girls kiss each other, guys act like six year olds on Christmas. Why should I care if He kissed guys? At least one of us had. So the real question was, was He officially batting for the other team now, or was He still, in the words of Miley Cyrus, getting the best of both worlds? Adam, being the first-class creeper that he is, decided to find out.
After friending Him, he begins texting his “source” at John Carroll, where He goes to school. His source revealed that he’s pretty sure He is either gay or definitely bisexual . In the meantime, Adam friended Him. Not even ten minutes later Adam has His number. That’s when I lost it. I never got His number! He never messaged me on Facebook, and we both know we never exchanged flirty text messages. I couldn’t believe it. Three years ago He was my first kiss. Now He’s more interested in my roommate. After some digging on Adam’s part, he found out He (still) isn’t into labels and doesn’t see himself as gay or straight. Even though I was freaking out, I have to give Him some credit. It’s much easier to be gay or straight than it is to be neither. Then people really can’t figure you out.
Now that I’ve had some days to think about it, and I’ve stopped bemoaning the fact that another guy I kissed happens to like boys, I realize it doesn’t matter who He likes. So what if Adam learned more about Him through a few text messages than I ever did after a night with him? (I swear I’m okay with this.) Still, no matter what, He and I will always have the gay-not-gay party. And jello shots.